Nothing new here

Just to let you know, nothing exciting or new is happening in my life.

My son won another wrestling match Friday night,(of course I had to work), so I didn't get to see it. My boss is still on vacation and I couldn't call in sick. He'll be back Tues. so I'm going to ask for this Fri. off so I can go to his next match. He's got a terrific record for dual matches this year (only one loss) but the coach doesn't see it. I don't think he's gotten the attention he deserves but that's a dad talking.
The next days paper had another kid headlined that he "lead the team to victory". As a matter of fact it was my son that started the ball rolling with his match. AND, he was the only one that had a pin that night which means he scored the most team points. I guess I'm bias when it comes to my kids but then again, who isn't?

I have jury duty tomorrow. Yippeeee! (yea, right). I'm actually excited about this. Anything I can do to get my ass out of that shit hole of a job at the prison is fine with me. I really hate being there. It's not a very nice environment to be in day to day. It really makes me miserable having to be in that hell hole. Ahh well. Such is life. If we always got what we wanted there wouldn't be much to bitch about now, would there?

On another note,,,,
It's almost the end of Jan., 06 and I haven't had even the slightest bit of sexual activity this year yet. SHIT!
I wonder when my wife is going to come to her senses and realize that I want her. I know most of you have probably gone longer but dammit! This sucks!
I've resolved to never make the first move again. She has never touched me first or even hinted that she might be receptive to some intimacy. It always makes me feel like I'm begging and that it's nothing more then a chore for her. I asked her the other day if she really ever wanted to have sex and she said she "never really thought about it". I said, "Don't you ever want to have sex"? She said, "Well,, yea".
I blurted, "HOW THE HELL WOULD I EVER KNOW"?, Then I walked out and went to work.
That was a week ago and she still hasn't gotten the hint. I'm never asking again.
The problem I have is that I firmly believe that if I NEVER make the first move I'll never get any again in my life!
What do I do now?
I can go ahead and make the move and probably get some but I'm so damned tired of having sex with someone that really doesn't want me. Like I've said a million times, What turnes me on is that I can turn her on. That's what I crave.
I'm at a loss.

I'm not asking for advice. I just need to get that off my shoulders.
Then maybe I'll go masterbate.

So many emotions

What a week!

Last week my youngest turned 3. Yesterday, my oldest son, 15 years old competed in a wrestling tournament that his team hosted. 8 teams and 11 wrestlers in his weight class. He's only a sophmore and actually an average wrestler with a good chance of being great. I was helping the booster club with the concessions and got there about 6:30 in the morning. I offered all my catering equipment so I was there the whole morning. I think getting as pumped for his matches as much as he was.

Well...

HE WON HIS DIVISION!

I was beside myself with joy. I was a wrestler in high school and a pretty darn good one at that. I've been by his side for his whole career, taking him to tourneys and getting to every match he's been in. I coach him well and he feeds on advice from me. (This is at least the one thing that he actually listens to me about, which is rare coming from a teenager).

I had to work the day of the tourney too. I was so upset. My boss is on vacation and I couldn't even call in sick if I wanted to. When he's not there, I'm the man! I watched him wrestle his way to the semi-finals and it was getting close to having to leave. I found out where the other 2 guys that I work with were, and called to see if they could cover me for an hour. They said no problem and I got to watch him win his semi match.
I ran to work and was busy as hell. I knew he wouldn't wrestle in the championship match till about 7 but I knew there was no way I could leave a busy restaurant on a Saturday night at that hour. I was freaking. This is the first time he's ever made it this far in a tourney and I wanted so much to be there. I had a hell of a night. It was hard to concentrate on my work.
It was getting to be about 8:30 and I hadn't heard any word of how he did or if he wrestled yet. I was told the finals would be at 7. I was thinking about running out quick to see if I could catch his match so I called before I left.
My daughter answered the cell.....
HE WON! HE WON!!
WOW! I yelled out so loud I think the people in the dining room heard me. I was SO happy for him and also so pissed I couldn't be there. I wanted to be there so bad. I felt like I let him down.
I was hopping around the kitchen like a little kid.
At that time I only had one table left to finish and begged the guys if they could give me a half hr. They said...GO!
I ran down the road to the school, (only 10 min. away) and got there JUST as they were starting to call his weight class to award the medals.
I ran around all the people and found him and he gave me the biggest hug I ever think we've had. I almost got teary eyed.
I was standing right next to the stand when they called his name and pronounced him champion.
If anyone has kids, or has had the chance to experience a moment like this I'm sure you understand just how proud a parent I was at that moment last night. If you haven't,, I hope you get to.

THEN... Later, as my wife and I were mulling over the days events, the phone rang at 12 in the morning....
They took my father-in-law to the hospital. He's been sick a long time and he had a real bad night. My wife ran out the door and didn't get home till 4 am. We haven't heard how he's doing yet but my wife is going to see him soon today.

Yup.... so many emotions.

Today I get to drive my 13 year old 50 miles away to a skateboard competition.

What a week!

The punkin turns 3

Wow! I can't believe how fast he's growing. He can chat up a storm when ya get him going.
Yup, Collin turned 3.

My God, I'm old enough to be a grandpa and I've got a 3 year old!
Ha Ha, I wouldn't trade being a father to 5 kids for anything in the world. I get to relive my childhood all over again. Although my body is in denial, it brings back many memories of growing up with my own 5 brothers. Some good, some bad. I've come to realize what a saint my mom is.

The day went good. Plenty of pizza, soda, cake and ice cream. What a nice day off for a change.
He had a grand time.

Just yucky

I know it's been a while since I've posted.
I rarely have anything to say unless I believe it's worth saying.
I haven't had anything new to post about except everyday rants and venting. I feel like blowing off steam a lot lately but I don't believe this is the place to dump my shit. I know many of you use this venue as a sounding board and a place to get advice for what's been going on in your lives but I, myself, believe these things should be discussed one on one with friends. Sometimes I can't help it though.
There's been a lot of shit that's been going on in my life that pertains to my jobs and the lack of financial security.

I have a job that I can't stand. It's a miserable place to work and I'm generaly not a miserable person. This weighs heavy on my mind every day. I had something happen to me this week that I've never had happen to me in the 12 years I've been there. I really don't want to go into it but it unerved me so much. Let's just say it knocked me down a peg on the graces of good standing. You know what they say about "One aww shit, wipes out a whole bunch of "atta boys". Someone went out of their way to screw me because they "didn't like my attitude". I did nothing wrong and this person lied right through their teeth to get me in trouble. Most of the people I work with just don't have real lives and they do what they can to make others miserable. I can't work like that.

I've looked for other jobs but the disadvantages outweigh the positive. It's a state job with benefits and it would be almost near impossible to be fired but it's a dead-end job. I've been there 12 yrs in Aug. and I'm still the same pay grade. There are 3 items ahead of me and the only way I can advance is if one of them quits, dies or retires and the next one to go will be in 13 years. We've had our health insurance increase about 3 times in the past 2 years so the paycheck decreases. I'm making less now than I did 2 years ago.
(See, this is why I don't like posting rants. I'm whining now).
I know I souldn't complain but I've been doing what I do now for over 34 years and it doesn't seem to be getting any easier especially when I can run circles around the other guys that are ahead of me.

The fact that I have 5 children doesn't make things easier.
I know, don't say it! I've heard it a thousand times. I know it's my fault but I love my children and I'm not giving them back. I just can't take another pay cut. My other job has been slow and he's been cutting back on my hours too. The price of heating oil and electricity has jumped my monthly bills by almost 400$. This hurts too when you're on a tight budget.
I better quit whinning before I start getting pissed. You don't want to see me pissed.
All in all I've had a lousy beginning to a new year.
I'll try to post with a better attitude next time.

I think I need a new career.
Anyone out there need a good chef?
(Resume's forwarded on request)

Remembering Karen

Two years ago today, Jan. 10-04, at about 4 in the afternoon, my wifes mother Karen was killed in an auto accident on the way to afternoon services at our local church. This was not just any accident, it was a horrific hit and run collision.

My father-in-law was driving and Karen was in the passenger seat. Right behind Karen was my 11 year old son and sitting next to him was his friend. A man,(whom I WILL NOT repeat his name) tried to pass their car in a no-passing zone, realized he wasn't going to make it and moved back over into their lane where it struck them sideways and shoved the car across the lane of traffic and eventually was hit broad-side by an oncomming truck.

Karen was rendered unconscious by the collision and landed in my son's lap when her seat broke due to the force of the impact. The inside of your Nanna's skull is something an 11 year old is not supposed to see. My father-in-law also sustained massive trauma in the crash and to this day has not driven a vehicle. My son and his friend were rushed to the hospital and released with minor bruises and seatbelt abraisions. The detective on the scene sped to the service my wife was already attending and pulled her out of her seat and brought her to the accident scene. She, herself, has not been back to that church. Karen never regained her vital signs and was pronounced dead on Jan. 12. (ONE day before my youngest son had his first birthday).

When she called me at work in a panic, I wasn't sure what was going on. She said she had to get to the helicopter to go with her mom. I think I was in a state of shock by then. She told me I had to get to the local hospital to meet my son who would be there alone. I had NO idea he was even involved in the crash. When he arrrived in the ambulance covered with his grandma's blood I was more nervous than any parent should have the right to be. He looked at me, shaking, and said, "It's not my blood daddy,,, It's Nana's".

I was beside myself.

I sincerely apologize for the graphic nature of this post but as hard as it is to read you can only imagine how hard it was to deal with. All I could do was be strong for my 5 children and my wife.

The real reason for this post is to praise Karen's life.

Today, Jan. 10 is the 2 year anniversary of the accident and although the pain has subsided a little, last year was just a blur and somewhat still of a shock. I know this year will be harder. I plan to take the day off to be with my wife.

I had recently posted about Karen last month. The post is titled,
"Time lost".
It contains a poem written by a dear friend of Karen's. I hope you get the time to read it because it sums up her life, (and death) beautifully.

Some time today, say a prayer for Karen.
Say a prayer for my wife and son.
Say a prayer for My father-in-law, Bob.

Say a prayer for strength and peace.

"In your eyes" chapter four (Adult content)

When I awoke I was still holding you with my arm draped across your back, still in the position I was in when I stroked you to sleep. I had no idea what time it was 'till I looked at the clock, it just clicked over to read 12:46 am. We slept for about 4 hours and my body was still sluggish as I moved my hand up to run my fingers through your hair. All the excitement from the previous hours had exhausted me and I could tell you felt the same. You laid flat and turned your head towards me, opened your beautiful eyes with a few blinks and whispered, "Mmm, yea honey, that feels nice on my neck". "How long did we sleep"? I continued to kneed your sore muscles and replied, "Only about 4 hours". "How are you feeling sweetie"? "Just wonderful", you said. "I could use a shower though honey, how 'bout you"? I could see the smirk in your eyes as you asked, like you weren't too interested in really bathing.

I remembered the brochure read about a sauna and hot tub out on the deck that overlooks the lake. "Hey! wanna go take in a sauna"? I asked, knowing you probably didn't want to brave the cold at this hour of the night. To my suprise your eyebrows raised and an excited look came across your face. "Oh yea! that sounds like fun. The nice hot water and the cold crisp air would feel great right about now. But what about the other guests, won't they see us"? "I'm not sure, we'll have to check it out and see. It's almost one in the morning, I doubt anyone will be awake".

We made our way down the stairs that led outside and found the deck without any problem. It was pretty cold out but not too chilly to be uncomfortable. If you didn't mind, I sure as hell was going right along as your lead. We had to walk to the other end that was fenced in. I hadn't seen it before in the daylight but now that it was right in front of me I don't know how I missed it before now. I don't think I noticed too much of anything that day but your face, your eyes, the shape of your body as you walked. You had that dancer's strut, confident, sure of yourself. I love that about you. I watched the way your lips curled around your words when you spoke. I was taken in by you. Everything about you moved me that day.

The spa looked fairly large for the small area it took up and the hot tub was more than ample size to fit the both of us comfortably. By the looks of the location and the fence around the spa, we had nothing to worry about with any of the other guests which was a relief to both of us. I turned on the controls and heard the jets start to bubble and the heating unit begin to hum. It didn't take very long for the steam to rise in the spa and soon we were pulling the robes we wore off our shoulders. We sat and pulled close to one another to warm us until the water was hot enough. I had my arms wrapped around you tight as I looked into your eyes. You had the most peaceful, tranquil smile on your lips, like you had just found a new paradise, a new kind of drug. I could tell you were happy for once in your life. Something you haven't felt in a long time. I reveled in the fact that I could be there to share your joy. I was feeling that same serenity every second I was with you.

I leaned forward and kissed you. Gently, I licked at your mouth, sucking in your lips as I grazed my hand across the back of your neck and pulled you closer, wanting your kiss deeper. I cradled your face as my hands stroked you dampened hair. Slowly I moved my hands down to your breasts and massaged them. Softly, my palms worked around your erect nipples in small circles. I move to take them into my mouth. I can taste the sweat that begins to collect on your skin and lick it off with my tongue.
You lean back against the seat and release a sigh while my tongue glides across your skin. Your hands grab at the back of my head and you pull me tighter to your breasts. I can't keep my hands from exploring your body. They move over every inch of your skin with little effort due to the steam and sweat.

I move in front of you and lift your body up to the top of the bench and place my hands on your knees and spread your legs. I move into you and wrap my arms around you as my hips graze the insides of your thighs. I can feel the wetness of your hot pussy rubbing against my stomach. I stay put, devouring your pert breasts and nibbling your rock hard nipples. I kiss my way down your body and lick along the center of your belly till I reach your hips. I bite, suck and lick my way to right above your glistening pussy lips. I can see how wet you are, how hot you've gotten. I can hear the panting of your breaths as I move my mouth closer. Your hands tangle in my hair as you struggle to pull me closer. I pull back slightly, teasing your pussy, making you want me. I suck at your thigh so hard I leave a hickey. Moving to the other leg I lick my way higher, closer to your pulsing pussy lips. I dart my tongue out and lick at the outer lips once. I feel you shudder. Twice, and you pull at my hair. Your legs come up and envelope my shoulders as I move my hands down to hold your ass. I can't wait any more. I lick at the bottom of your pussy and stroke my tongue up the length of you. Up and down and then in small circles till I reach your firery clit. I hear you moan as I suck it into my mouth and flick my hot tongue over it. Your legs clamp down on my head as you force your pussy into my face. The sweet taste of your pussy and your sweat mingles on my tongue. I lap at you furiously, digging my fingers into the soft flesh of your ass. Your hips are off the bench as you buck your hips up to meet my tongue, wanting my face deeper into you. I can feel your body shaking as you start to cum. I take one of my fingers and slip it into your well lubed ass that's been moistened by your flowing cunt. I pull you into me closer as I drive my tongue as deep as I can into your burning pussy. You sense the first wave of orgasm crash from inside you as I open my mouth wider to savor your juices. You scream out with a gutteral moan, clutch my head with your thighs and grab at my hair with your fingers as I continue to slurp on your dripping pussy. You explode into my mouth with the force of a hurricane as I scrape my fingers at your asshole and my tongue feverously lapping at your clit. Your trying hard to breath as you unload a tidal wave of cum into my mouth and I eagerly swallow every drop. You calm down slightly but don't let go of my head. I wait patiently for you to finish giving me all your pussy has to offer as your body quivers and your pussy spurts the last of your sweet fluids into my mouth.

I finally feel you calm down, breathing still heavy as your loosen your grip on me. I look up at you smiling, still content with licking soft strokes across you pouty lips. "MMmmm, Oh my God, that was fantastic", I hear you exclaim through clentched teeth. "I could tell", I said. "I most certainly enjoyed it too".

You lay back, still panting, as I stood up out of the water and leaned forward to kiss your dry lips. Moving forward I took my cock in my hand and rubbed it over your drentched pussy. Slowly inserting the head into you I heard you let out a slight moan again. You reach up and take my face in your hands and kiss me deeply as I easily drive my hardness into your wet cunt. You bring your legs up and around my waist and pull my cock into you, keeping time with my thrusts. I know it won't take me long to cum. The magnificent taste of your pussy still on my lips was driving me to the edge already. I could feel my cock pulse in your hot pussy as I was closer now. With a few more strokes I was feeling my balls swell and my head get light. I couldn't take it any longer as I felt you pulling me harder with your legs and your fingers scratching at my ass. I was screaming as I dumped what seemed like an ocean of cum into your hot pussy. My thrusts were erratic as I came, with you pulling me into you. I had all I could do to hold myself up against the railing of the tub.

As I unloaded the last of my cum into you I collapsed on top of you with a huge sigh, all of the breath leaving my lungs at once. "Ahh, Ohh, My, God", was all I could utter, my body spent, my balls empty. We both just lay together for a long while, holding one another, not wanting to let go.

We stayed in the hot spa for a while till we felt strong enough to get our things together and head back to the room. We didn't say a word, although I could see you giggling and smiling on the walk back.

I suppose I had the same shit eating grin on my face as I wondered what kind of a morning we would have the next day.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

OK, It's official. It is NOW 2006 and I just got home from work.
YIPEEEE!
I really don't see what the big deal is. I've never been one to reminisce about the past or dwell on the new year either for that matter. I've never made a new years resolution in my life. I figure if it's something I really need to do, why wait for this day to do it and not any other day. It's just another work day to me. As a matter of fact it's the busiest day of the year except for mother's day. I have never rung in the new year at a party or even gone to dinner or just "out" for the night. We in the restaurant business call it, "Amature night" and I've worked every new years eve since I can remember.

I really don't want to bring everyone down at this festive time in your lives but New years eve has never done anything for me.

For all of you out and having a wonderful time,
I wish you safety and joy and the hope that this new year will bring you peace and love.